Talking Change: Ten Tips on Making Change Happen in the Workplace

by Molly Barrow, PhD
Clinical psychologist

Summary: Have you had it at work? Are you tired of the same interactions that are increasingly stressful and less productive? Have you talked to your coworkers about making a change, but another month passes and nothing changes at all? Following are ways that you can make successful changes that put efficiency and comfort back into strained work relationships.

These 10 tips on change talking will help transform a warring coworker into a willing and involved team player.

1. Start with the “I” statement. If you start out with the word “you,” the immediate reaction will be one of defense. Instead, say “I want …” To make sure your message stands out in its importance, focus on only one subject. The important thing is that you establish a pattern of getting what you want and especially what you need. Say, “I want a change in this workplace.” Who can argue with that?

2. Make an appointment. Next, agree on an undisturbed time early in the day when you and your coworkers are able to talk uninterrupted for at least an hour. This is a time to discuss and listen, maybe with a third party—like a supervisor or business mentor. The third person acting as a mediator can help keep it more of a discussion and less of a fight.

This is a time to discuss and listen, maybe with a third party

3. Don’t say, “It’s your fault.” As you each discuss the problem, somebody’s feelings may get in the way. The more frightened the dog, the more likely it will bite you, so be prepared to get nipped. Cut your coworker some slack and be compassionate, even if he or she is resisting your new ideas.

4. Don’t say, “It’s all my fault.” Do not give or allow one person to take on all the blame for a current situation. To do so will cause the discussion to be bogged down in self-pity; guilt-induced whining; and, eventually, revenge. Be willing to share the blame and the discussion will move forward.

5. Expect anger and tears. Loud “barking” may occur. People who feel pressured and cornered will avoid revealing fears and insecurities and will defensively lose their temper to cover and stall for time. This is when that experienced third party can divert and calm things down. Stay focused on talking about the benefits of change and try to ignore angry reactions that may include hurling accusations or digging in stubbornly.

6. Be patient. As coworkers attempt to handle their anxiety about change, you can adjust to help steady them. Most people mistrust change and some need to work through their anxiety about losing control. People who love or need their jobs the most may demonstrate greater resistance to new directions. Give reassurances that you believe in them, respect their expertise, and need their skills Only then can you get back to talking about the subject that you want to discuss. This is where the true leaders surface.

People who love or need their jobs the most may demonstrate greater resistance to new directions

7. Let it rest. After an hour, the emotional bombing should subside and reason and logic now have an opportunity to surface. Watch for that brief moment when your coworker sees it from your side. When that happens, call a recess to the meeting and take a break. Let your coworkers incorporate how the proposed change may impinge on them personally, which may take a few days. Agree to a second time to talk openly and address any questions, doubts, and ideas that come to mind. Then back off and leave it alone, or you will have to start from scratch to build trust all over again.

8. Don’t allow shortcuts. Firms can approach huge conflict and change by allowing restructuring to run its bumpy course without trying to skip or shorten the steps. Only when the ideas have been fully stated, listened to, emotionally reacted to, and then reflected on—alone and undisturbed—can there be a satisfying resolution.

9. Understand relationship dynamics. The key is to understand that you and your coworker may have different capacities to adjust to change based on the personal and work history experience. When the differences are large, leaders must work harder to keep a work environment balanced. If you are more capable of change, then the responsibility for establishing and maintaining that balance falls on your shoulders.

10. List your firm’s priorities. Your firm is an entity separate from the individuals who work and sustain it. A wise businessperson will consider the needs of the firm by respecting and addressing the needs of its employees. Listing those priorities can help you see the bigger picture, including any areas that still need work as well as those that have vastly improved.

A firm with employees who cannot adapt will not progress or remain competitive. Ask yourself if you are depriving your coworkers of time, energy, resources, and laughter. Give them an opportunity to catch up to wherever you are with modulated talk about change. A sincere team commitment to goals and restructuring will allow you, your coworkers, and your firm to thrive.