by Michael Strogoff, AIA
Negotiating Strategies publisher

Too often, as design professionals, we are our own worst enemies. We tiptoe our way through client interviews, second-guess how clients will react to our design proposals, and let our emotions interfere with our negotiating effectiveness.

The one thing that we do consistently do well is negotiating with ourselves. What if the client thinks our fee is too high? What if we lose the project because we’re too expensive? Why is the client acting so aggressively? Will the client think I’m uncooperative if I hold firm on this language?

Follow these six steps when negotiating to keep your emotions from adversely affecting your results.

Avoid getting defensive. How your clients behave during a negotiation is a reflection of them, not of you. If a client lashes out, rise above it. His or her behavior is neither directed at you nor necessarily indicative of attitude. Even when a client acts inappropriately, try to separate the issues from the personalities. Remember, clients hire professionals to produce results—not to develop close relationships. Expect respect during a negotiation. If you want friendship, look elsewhere.

Know your triggers. Identify the circumstances or behaviors that trigger your emotions. For example, you might get angry when others interrupt or don’t listen to you. Or you might get irritated when someone seems presumptuous. Bringing an awareness of your emotional triggers into a negotiation helps you manage your behavior and detach yourself from the conduct of others.

Save the venting until later. Everyone needs to vent on occasion to process his or her thoughts, expunge frustrations, and move on. Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity. Just wait until you are alone or with your colleagues before reacting. And don’t hold back. If you are alone after a meeting, write your thoughts on paper. Don’t edit as you go—use this opportunity to release all your frustrations.

Take your time before responding. The time-tested advice we give children—count to 10 before reacting—is equally applicable to adults. Collect yourself and keep in mind that those people who remain calm during a negotiation are more likely to prevail. If it helps, tell your client that you need time to caucus with your colleagues or call other consultants on your team. A 15-minute break is all that’s needed to gain perspective and also temper your client’s emotions.

Involve a colleague. Don’t go it alone if you are prone to reacting poorly. Take a colleague with complementary traits and an objective perspective to important negotiations. Encourage this colleague to intervene if he or she senses you losing objectivity or detects any negative behavior on your part.

Let go of the outcome. People emotionally invested in an outcome usually achieve inferior results. Don’t lose focus or stop caring about the consequences of how well you negotiate. Simply let go of the illusion that you have control over the outcome. If you and your client share common goals and think there’s a good fit, great. If not, count your lucky stars that you discovered this early. Either way, you win.

Copyright 2005 Strogoff Consulting. Reprinted with permission.

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